#27 A Confession 

Some of you have been curious about what I meant when I mentioned that the gigs of a couple weeks ago were a welcome morale boost. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE what I do in Hot Pink Hangover... but I'm not above a "bad day at the office."

A career in music for us has not looked like it does in the movies... We're not at the level where we're playing to packed houses, binge drinking with local influencers, or being chauffeured around in a luxurious motor coach. We're not living the high-life just yet!  It's more like, late nights in 2-star hotels after schlepping gear through rain, mud, and sometimes vomit. It's half-full dive bars (which do hold a special place in my heart) and hoping Vanna White will get us from point A to point B without hitting a deer or popping a gasket. Mixed in with all that are the enthusiastic fans who make this deal worth doing. I truly feel like we could be playing the biggest dump in the world, but if there were receptive people in the audience it wouldn't matter. The Hotties are what matter more than anything to us. We had the honor of opening up for Badflower about a year ago, right before they broke, and they were being brutally honest with us in the green room. They were going through a lot of the same things we're going through right now. The roller coaster ride that is rock and roll... But about a month later they were playing The Tonight Show, so patience and hard work does pay off for some. Badflower is an amazing band with kind and incredibly talented members. Their ability to create authentic experiences for their fans is a huge part of why they're so popular. They give you something to relate to and they're not afraid to pull back the curtain and let you in. 


Believe me, I'd love to hide in the green room eating bon-bons and drinking bubbly before & after every show. I am an introvert and the thought of doing or saying something absurd or insulting is terrifying for me and it takes a lot of self-talk and courage to propel me into "Mercy mode." Good thing Mary Mayhem is never far away, to corral me away from self inflicted humiliation or harm... I just need to remember to check my feet for toilet paper, check my teeth for lipstick and check my attitude at the door. 

The bottom line is that music is something I have tried to step away from many times and I just can't stop coming back to it. I get jealous every time I see a band performing that isn't mine. Each time I turn on the radio in my car, I hope that maybe a song I wrote will be playing. I step onto every stage imagining a licensing exec is sitting in the front row ready to make me a millionaire. Maybe I'm a glutton for punishment, or maybe we're about to cross the threshold into rock stardom...  Either way, I'm a born show-off and the spotlight is my favorite place to be, so I'm going to continue to push forward through the good, the bad, and the in between. Thanks for following the journey.